words from my heart…

innilillahiwainnailahirojiun..

ayah de baru je kembali ke rahmatullah.. seminggu di ICU, maybe ini yang terbaik, sekurang2nye penderitaan tak berpanjangan.. baru je kelmarin sedara mara tanya pandangan, samada elok atau tidak kaki dipotong. diabetes makin teruk, mungkin daging di kaki pun dah semakin membusuk. dan semalam dapat berita yang kaki dah dipotong. dan petang tadi makteh bagitahu yang ayah de dah meninggal..

agak terkilan. tak sempat jumpa semasa masih hidup. dapat berita yang ayah de masuk ICU last week. sebelum ni ok je, terjatuh, masuk hospital dan barulah terdiscover mcm2. kidney failure lah, diabetes la, urm, ade 2 lagi yang kronik, tapi tak berapa ingat.. tapi tak terus balik kg ziarah, sebab papa outstation. (though hati memberontak nak balik, tp mama nak tunggu papa jugak) n isnin baru ni papa balik, mlm tu terus ke temerloh. too bad, tak dapat masuk. mama papa je diorang bagi, tu pun sebab papa bagi alasan baru balik dr spain. papa kata time tu ayah de tgh dialisis. masuk tube pun ikut leher. kakngah kata selalunya orang akan buat ikut tangan. maybe nadi yang kat tangan dah tak kuat, that’s y terpaksa ikut leher. n tanpa dibius. Allah.. i just cant imagine how painful that would be.. beberapa hari sebelum tu pun denyutan jantung sangat lemah. smpai terpaksa guna yang electric pump (heh, tak tau betul atau tak nama alat ni. but u know what i mean, aite). n terpaksa bagi ubat tidur, supaya jantung dapat rest, dan tak perlu kerja kuat sangat..

dan ternyata Allah lebih sayang ayah de. takpe, ada hikmahnye. mungkin ini yang terbaik. at least he doesnt have to suffer anymore… tiap tahun, time raya mesti singgah rumah ayah de kat batu 1, temerloh. 3 tahun tak berjumpa, thn lepas nampak yang arwah semakin uzur. same jugak dengan mokde. though mokde nampak lebih uzur, siapa sangka ayah de yang dijemput dulu. 67 tahun.. he was an ustaz. an imam. a kadi. and a very good brother to my father. one of atuk’s most entrusted son..

orang yang baik, kesudahan yang baik jugak, iA..sakit tak lama, dan dijemput Allah pada malam jumaat. dan kebumi iA esok, hari jumaat. penghulu segala hari.. pengajaran dan teladan untuk kita yang masih hidup.. ttg bagaimana kita nak akhiri hidup ini.. dengan cara yang baikkah? atau ketika tengah berseronok dengan dunia? allahua’lam. tepuk dada tanya iman..

semoga roh ishak bin haji ariffin dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang2 yang Allah kasihi… al-fatihah..

030408, 12.15am, P1 carpark, 1 sentral

“Nurul, do expect to go home late tomorrow. very2 late.”

“urm, ok”

and guess what, the next day i worked until 530 in the morning. seriusly dah mcm zombie. takde lah mengantuk sangat, maybe sebab banyak minum kopi. cuma badan rasa mcm terawang-awangan, takde tenaga. there were 6 of us in the office, from 2 teams. we were rushing to get the accounts ready by 8 am the next day, and the other team was getting ready for review with the partner.

i finished my work around 5.30. then the manager asked me to go home while they continued doing the typist work-no choice, they had to do it themselves. cant afford to wait until the next day to get the typist to put thru all the amendments. by hook or by crook, the accounts must reach the client’s inbox by 8.

reached home around 615, solat subuh, then tdo. bangun balik pukul 830, siap2 n gerak ke ofis balik. penat tak terkira. sampai ofis, tengok senior n manager tu still pakai baju semalam. diorang langsung tak balik rumah. heh, terasa bersalah lah pulak. dari jauh dengar AZ, the director  cakap ngan senior tu. “u didnt go home last nite, rite. what are you doing here? u shud go home now. it’s not worth it.” well, we all know it’s not worth it.. but what to do..? ”nurul,i should throw my letter anytime soon,” well’ she not bonded, she finished her exams already. if i were her, i would love to resign too!

now only i know how peak period really is. but at least this year im not a senior yet, still an associate. i just cant imagine how terrible life would be next year. sometimes, i just feel like resigning. mama said, elok lah tu. but papa asked me to bertahan dulu. at least until i finish all my exams. which is probably next may (iA, kalau takde yang fail). one collegue resigned early mar to join petronas. another colleague also has tendered, to join RHB. tu yang maken membuak2 rasa nak resign tuh. haih, i really need a loonngg break. nak tenangkan fikiran yang berserabut nih. really cant wait for my study break. let’s take 1 or 2 days off untuk tenangkan fikiran, then only be worried about exam. boleh tak? hehe =P

but one thing for sure, jerawat berkadar langsung dengan kadar stress. huhu.

nak balik… =((

11.30pm

shah alam

*******************************************************************************

alhamdulillah, siap jugak kerja. n bos kecik cakap boleh datang lmbt sikit esok, but no later than 930, sebab bos besar nak datang, so we better reach here b4 he arrives.

1.17am

shah alam

when the bad news is already expected, i guess, it’s no longer a bad news when i was told about it.. though i cried (setitik dua je pun), i guess, it’s the way the emotion tried to express itself out.. so what i dreamt about few weeks back is true.. sesekali naluri ni takkan menipu..

takpe, masih boleh tersenyum =)

minggu yang stress, dah banyak hari tak cukup tidur. sekarang ni pun sangat mengantuk, tapi masih banyak kerja yang perlu dibereskan. mari kita pergi ofis hujung minggu ni.

she’s 25

a wife

a mother of a 15 mths cute lil daughther

a reasearcher, working with one of malaysia’s biggest co

a part time masters student

and a full time daie..

someone asked her

what’s her source of strength

it’s simple, she said

know why we do all these

set out niat right

Allah

because of HIM
if she can

why can’t i?

i’m single

and of course no kids to look after

not a part time student (at least CPA is more flexible, no classes, can study during the study leave)

but yet,

comparing me and her,

waayy too far..

do i not set my niat right?

alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah…

kak ida dah selamat melahirkan seorang bayi lelaki ^_^ 090209, cantik tarikh tu kan =)

dr siang tadi kak ida dah rase sakit2, tp tak kerap sangat. tadi dekat pukul 11, sakit semakin kerap. pukul 12 register masuk hospital (hospital serdang), pukul 1 lebih dah bersalin. sangat mudah, alhamdulillah =)

baru balik dr hospital jaga kak ida malam tadi. alhamdulillah harini cuti, pandai dia pilih mase nak keluar. huhu.. patutnye selain maternity and paternity leave, kene ade satu lagi jenis cuti, aunternity leave =P 1st time dukung baby yang  baru sangat2 lahir, tak lah sesusah yang disangka sebenarnye. kira latihan lah tu =P

apepun, semoga baby tu nanti menjadi seorang muslim yang taat pada Allah dan anak yang soleh =)

just received the learning material from CPA yersterday. takutnye.. huhu. semoga dapat study dengan baik dan jawab peperiksaan dengan baiknye. iA the exam will be on 1 May. just 1 paper for this sem. it’s the peak period, and i dont dare to take more than 1.will be having my study leave for 2 weeks, and hopefully it is sufficient enough. cita2 tanak study last minit lagi mcm last semester, tp tak tahu lah kan berjaya ke x =P . doakan saya berjaya dengan cemerlang ya..

there’ll be an award giving ceremony on 17 feb, for those who achieved high distinctions in any of the subjects last year. alhamdulillah, i’m invited. heh, seriously i was suprised to know the result when i was actually just expecting pass. 1 subjek je lah tapi (of course for the easiest subject - RPP), the other one cuma dapat distinction je -  good enough, alhamdulillah. nonetheless, still havent decided whether to attend or not. the ceremony is from 6.30 to 8.30 pm, starting with registration and refreshment first. then the cert will be given from 7.15 to 8.30. habis lah maghrib mcm tu.. tak sure boleh menyelinap keluar atau tak. kalau surau dekat takpelah jugak, but if jauh..? kene berlari-larian lah nampaknye. tengoklah macamane.. takde lah terasa nak pergi sangat, cuma kot2 lah ni sekali je peluang datang. huhu..

starting today, for a month, i’ll be auditing a client which is in the midvalley. err, to be exact the office is actually in the Gardens, tp dekat2 lah tu kan. it’s a recurring job, as i’ve audited them last year. one of the best client i have so far  - clients are nice, accounts not messy, not many issues with their accounting and records, plus their new office is beautiful, really love the interior and the view from the 19th floor is superb (heh, persekitaran yang cantik membuatkan kita lebih bersemangat untuk bekerja dengan lebih rajen dan tekun =P) )(but dont know la this year, since the additional company we have to audit this year seems to have a lot of issues. and unfortunately i’m in charged for that company.. haih..) and another thing yang tak best, sebab location dia kat midvalley, nak makan mahal.. hurmm, habeslah kopak duit this month. huhu. oh, btw, kawan2 (though i’m not sure if there’s any other readers for my blog other than awin =P) if you happen to be in midvalley during lunch time ke, after working hours ke (iA, dun expect to go home later than 7pm for this job), bagi tahu lah. mane lah tahu kot2 kita boleh makan/minum bersama ke. ^_^ anyways, i better do well this time. chances to recur again next yr are high. but even if im not going to be recurred next year pun, still have to do the best. not because of the appraisal (alamak, this scares me.. the senior rated me well last yer, so her expectation is already high.. even if i do well, but if she expects more, tak cantik jugak appraisal tu nanti.. hurmm) which then links to bonus, but because we really have to do the best in whatever we do. after all, kerja tu kan satu ibadah. jangan lupe, betulkan niat! have to constantly remind my self.. kalau tak, susah betul to get it right..

“Barakallaahu laka wabaaraka ‘alaika wa jama’a bainakumaa fii khair”

(Semoga Allah memberkatimu, semoga Allah memberi berkat atasmu, dan mengumpulkan kalian berdua pada kebaikan)

Tahniah akmar dan abang ikhwan ^_^

terasa sebak pulak mase majlis akad nikah tu.  pengantinnye ape tah lagi kan. dengan hanya satu lafaz sahaja, their whole life has changed. amazing, ape yang lafaz nikah tu boleh lakukan, aite,? wah, mcm tak percaya je kawanku itu sudah diambil orang! 3 orang dia langkah bendul, patut kene mintak cincin nih. hehe =P (those who know would know, those who don’t, abaikan aje lah ye)

but i think i failed. as the bride’s maid. hehe. serius la, saya mana lah mahir bab2 mcm tu. nak tolong lapkan peluh pun, nak kene orang btau dulu. kalau tak, tak perasan pun. pengantin kepanasan pun tak jugak tolong kipas2 kan. hehe..  awin, r u sure u still want me to be your pengapit on your big day? tak takut ke? =P urm, nanti asek jadi pengapit je, bile la plak orang nak ajak jadi pengantin pulak? hehe =P

apepun, to akmar (though i dont think she’ll read this, heh), tahniah ! moga dengan ikatan perkahwinan ini akan memantapkan lagi derap langkah kaki dan menjadi pemangkin dalam jalan yang kita lalui ini. i’m really really really really happy for both of u ^_^ semoga menjadi isteri yang solehah! i know you will, insyaAllah =)

p/s: it’s february already.. cepat sungguh mase  berjalan. rasa mcm baru je semalam 1 January 2009.. masa itu kehidupan..

perlu jadi sangat kuat.. kata2 orang sekeliling mampu membuatkan langkah ini mundur setapak ke belakang.. pernah tewas.. namun takkan tewas lagi!

perlu kuat.. perlu tabah.. perlu yakin.. perlu tegas.. perlu senyum.. perlu katakan yang baik2.. perlu tunjuk pada mereka.. perlu yakinkan mereka… urm, juga yakinkan diri sendiri..

ya Allah… kumohon kekuatan dariMU ya Allah.. give me strength.. moga dalam setiap langkahku, hanya redhaMU yang kucari.

niat, betulkan niat!

things are not going to be easy, that’s for sure. permudahkanlah ya Allah..